Kristmaz Storee

Dais iz a ooey gooey, feel gud, non-techie Kristmaz storee.

Ize recommember mye fuhst Kristmaz advenchure wid Granmah. Ize wuz juz a kid. Ize recommember tearing across town awn mye byke tah vizit er awn da day mye beeg siztah dropped da bomb: "Theah iz no Zanta Clawz," zhe jeered. "Evun dummies kno dat!"

Mye Granmah wuz nutt da gushy kynde, nevah had bin. Ize fled tah er dat day cuz Ize knew zhe wud be strayt wid mee. Ize knew Granmah always toled da druth, and Ize knew dat da druth always went down a holee lot easier whin swallowed wid wun ov er "world faymouse" sinamun bunz. Ize knew dey wur world faymouse, cuz Granmah sayd zo. Id had tah be troo.

Granmah wuz homee, and da bunz wur ztill wahm. Beatween bites, Ize toled er evereeding. Zhe wuz ready foah mee. "No Zanta Clawz?" zhe snordded.... "Reedikuluz! Don't beeleev id. Dat rumor haz bin gowin aroond foah years, and id maykes mee mad, playne mad!! Nuhow, put awn yur cote, and let's goe."

"Goe? Goe wheah, Granmah?" Ize asked. Ize hadn't evun finished mye Second World faymouse sinamun bun. "Wheah" turned owd tah be Kerby's Genarul Stowah, da wun stowah in town dat had a yiddle bit ov juz aboot evereeding.

Az wee walked throo its dorz, Granmah handed mee ten dollahz. Dat wuz a bundle in doz dayz. "Tayk dais munee," zhe sayd, "and buy sumding foah zumwun hoo kneadz id. I'll wayt foah u in da cah." Denn zhe turned and walked owd ov Kerby's.

Ize wuz onwy eight years owld. I'd offden gon shoppun wid mye muddah, butz nevah had Ize shopped foah eneedin awl by myzelf. Da stowah seemed beeg and crowded, full ov peeple scrambling tah finish their Kristmaz shoppun. Foah a few moments Ize juz stood theah, convoozed, clutching dat ten-dollar bill, wunderin wat tah buy, and hoo awn urth tah buy id foah. Ize thod ov everybody Ize knew: mye family, mye frends, mye nayborz, da kids at school, da peeple hoo went tah mye church. Ize wuz juz aboot thod owd, whin Ize sudanlee thod ov Bobby
Decker. He wuz a kid wid badd breth and messy hair, and he sat ryet behind mee in Mrs. Pollock's grade-two class.

Bobby Decker didn't hav a cote. Ize knew dat cuz he nevah went owd tah recess during da wintah. Hiz muddah always wrote a note, telling da teecha dat he had a coff, butz awl wee kids knew dat Bobby Decker didn't hav a coff; he didn't hav a gud cote. Ize fingered da ten-dollar bill wid grewing eggsitement. Ize wud buy Bobby Decker a cote! Ize settled awn a red cordooroy wun dat had a hood tah id. Id lookeed reyal wahm, and he wud lyke dat.

"Iz dais a Kristmaz present foah zumwun?" da lady behind da counter asked kindly, az Ize laid mye ten dollahz down. "Yes, ma'am," Ize replied shyly. "Itz foah Bobby." Da nyce lady smiled at mee, az Ize toled er aboot ow Bobby reelee needed a gud wintah cote. Ize didn't getz any chainj, butz zhe put da cote in a bag, smiled agin, and wished mee a Merry Kristmaz.

Dat evening, Granmah helped mee wrap da cote (a yiddle tag fell owd ov da cote, and Granmah tucked id in er Buybill) in Kristmaz papah and ribunz and wrote, "Tah Bobby, Frum Zanta Clawz" awn id. Granmah sayd dat Zanta always insisted awn secrecy. Denn zhe drove mee ova tah Bobby Decker's howz, explaining az wee went dat Ize wuz nuhow and forever officially, wun ov Santa's helpers.

Granmah parked down da street frum Bobby's howz, and zhe and Ize crept noiselessly and hid in da bushes by hiz frunt walk. Denn Granmah gayv mee a nuge. "Awl ryet, Zanta Clawz," zhe whizpad, "getz gowin." Ize tuk a deep breth, dashed foah hiz frunt door, threw da present down awn hiz step, pounded hiz door and flew back tah da safedy ov da bushes and Granmah. Togetha wee waited brethlezzlee in da darkness foah da frunt door tah open. Finally id did, and theah stood Bobby.

Fifty years haven't dimmed da thrill ov doz moments spent shivering, beside mye Granmah, in Bobby Decker's bushes. Dat night, Ize relised dat doz awful rumors aboot Zanta Clawz wur juz wat Granmah sayd dey wur, reedikuluz. Zanta wuz alive and wel, and wee wur awn hiz teem.
Ize ztill hav da Buybill, wid da cote tag tucked inzyde: $19.95. May u always hav luv tah cher,
helth tah spare and frends dat care. And may u always beeleev in da magic ov Zanta Clawz!

Translation by Toby Speak Version 2.2m
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